Echoes of a Fugue, France 1916-SMALL REVISIONS
REVISION I"...and when I'm home, please, never fire guns.Hide them in dark corners and hide them well.I'm sick, so sick of slaughter, noise, the smellof powder, blowing whistles, yells then gainsthat...
View ArticleRe: Echoes of a Fugue, France 1916-SMALL REVISIONS
This is rather brilliant.My only stumbling block was in the final tercet, where "the" before shame would be much stronger; but that would require some other slight structuring in the syntax, perhaps...
View ArticleRe: Echoes of a Fugue, France 1916-SMALL REVISIONS
Hi,I agree with others that there is much to appreciate here. For some reason the repetition of 'sick' in l3 I fiind irritating - introducing a tone of dramatic monologue at odds with the rest.A minor...
View ArticleRe: Echoes of a Fugue, France 1916-SMALL REVISIONS
Jan, good to see you posting here again. There's a familiarity to this - I think I've seen it before. It's certainly one of your best, and given your level of skill, that makes it very good indeed....
View ArticleRe: Echoes of a Fugue, France 1916-SMALL REVISIONS
Jax,I like this very much. You seem focused on old wars lately, and that focus is yielding some very good poetry in my opinion.I must say that L2 stutters for me, meter-wise. I scan it this way:HIDE...
View ArticleRe: Echoes of a Fugue, France 1916-SMALL REVISIONS
Monsieur,My thanks.Curtis,The sestet is still a problem area. I have made some changes. Thank you.Alan,I feel that the repetition must stay, going to the credit of authenticity in the voice. Thanks...
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